"When God tells you to be brave,
He will make it work.
It won't be perfect.
It won't be easy.
But it will be your story and your best story."
— Annie F. Downs
When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought for sure that I would return to work. I loved my job, so of course I would figure out a way to keep it. But then I heard it. That little voice. You know the one. The voice that whispers to you in silence, quietly suggesting that the plan you have for your life is not His. And at first you think you're just hearing things. At first you think you can ignore it. But He finds ways to show you His truth.
We checked out a daycare and considered some other options, but nothing stuck. As the months kept rolling by, and my due date got closer, I started to realize God's plan. And once Theo arrived and my maternity leave started, the message got clearer and clearer. So, I knew I had some discerning to do. How would this work for us financially? Could we really afford for me to stay home? And if this was God's call, should I really even worry about money?
After long walks and a lot of tears, Andrew and I came to the decision that I would stay home. We would somehow make it work. I contacted a few fellow designers that I have worked with in the past to see if they could use any subcontracting help. And they said yes. One even said it was perfect timing.
I felt more at peace, but also still hesitant. Until I randomly stumbled across this quote from Meg Apperson:
"...I need you to do something for me. I need you go out and do what you've always wanted to do and say what you've been needing to say. Get on a plane and go tell the one you love that you love them (or call them, but it's better in person). Hug your babies. Call your parents. Start your business. Go back to school. Marry your girlfriend that you love already or break up with that jerk, whichever applies. Travel. Eat. Live. Make things right with God and run after His calling for your life like there's no tomorrow, because for the baby in the next room there really is no tomorrow and there is nothing like the sound of a mother's screams who just lost her child to remind you how precious and short life really is. None of us are getting out of it alive so we really have nothing to lose that won't eventually be lost. We only get one shot at any of this here on earth. Make it count."
I started to cry. Reading that sealed the deal for me.
So I am stepping out onto the water. Taking a risk. Being brave for one of the first times in my life, in response to God's call. I have officially submitted my resignation at EMM, and I'm giving freelancing a full-time try (well, as much full-time as one can get with a nearly two-month old :) ).
Stay tuned for more reflections and project updates. I am nervous, but I also could not be more excited to start this new chapter of my life.